Article Help - Feedback

Obviously mark gave his consent for me to post the feedback on his article so here is the email I sent him in reply, I hope this is useful feedback:



Hi Mark

actually not too bad an article... You obviously know your stuff which is great... A couple of pointers:

No need to baffle your readers with science, your readers eyes will gloss over... remove/change/or explain some of the more technical terms you use.. for example "hormone-sensitive lipase" all very interesting but simplify the explanation into real terms

Stick to one topic, talk about just nutrition stuff, try not to complicate with training info too, that can be dealt with in another article...

Remove the references to your LEAN system, the article should not be trying to sell your system. Tell them the principles of choosing good carbs without saying it is part of the LEAN system.

Your story about Alan is strong, again use it but avoid references of what you actually do, better to imply the use of the principles you mention above.

The closing part of the article would be better to conclude what you have already stated, without saying "look how great we are" :o)

The place for mentioning your LEAN system and training principles is in brief in your bio. for example...

Mark Lawrence helps overweight clients achieve substantial fat loss results utilising his LEAN system for nutrition and XYZ training protocol. He runs his own Personal Training Business in Greenwich, London along with his partner and women’s fitness expert Judit Rago. To find out more and to download a free report on The Truth About Weight-loss go to www.lawrenceandrago.co

I presume you used Dax's article writing template, the easier way of writing the articles I have found is do a quick brainstorm before you start writing using the template...

Problem: Confusion over carbs what is good what is bad
Scope: To many so called experts, to much information, and deeper understanding of the technicalities is difficult for the layman to grasp
Cost: Lots of obese folk, poor advice and knowledge means poor choices
Solution: Educate basics of what caarbs are good
Your Solution: Simple examples of what is good carbs and how to use in daily life
Stories: Alan, 55, 3kg fat loss, winning competition
Wrap Up: Reiterate all the above, agree there is lots of confusion, but it doesn't need to be, simple

Once you have written the above brainstorm simply flesh out the meat of the article. I have found this to be really the most effective wya of getting an article written. After the first few are done, it does get easier...

Apols for the slightly longer reply than expected, but hopefully this has given you the advice you need.

Tim